Faith is our refuge in caring for the older generation

by Jose B. Pilar

For this issue of the family.com, I would like to share with you, dear readers, a story about my friends Benjie and Chit. In their earlier years, they were a couple whom you might call young and upwardly mobile , a ‘yuppie’ couple who were making good, just like many others who became successful in business and contributed to the advancement in society. Being a “yuppie” was one of the buzzwords of today’s generation referring to the baby boomers of the Sixties and Seventies. And now, both Benjie and Chit are in a new phase of their lives, for they have now become senior citizens, both being in their 60’s.

As far as I can remember, Benjie and Chit have been living comfortably in a nice house in the suburbs, with a community of good neighbors who have become their close friends. Their place is located close to the amenities, and not far from their places of work. This is their family abode, where their 4 kids were born, and where their family grew to maturity and learned what life is all about. Indeed, they have the blessings of a family life that is so sweet, so fulfilling, and so full of joy and love and satisfaction.

But these days, the house once filled with youthful and playful voices and laughter has become now peaceful and quiet. The young sons and daughters have grown tall and mature. They have since married and have gone on to live their own lives. Benjie and Chit are once again a couple, albeit elderly, and now alone in a large family home, now an empty house. The young kids have moved on to create their own homes and families.

Soon, there will be a baby, a grand child, one or two, or three. And the lucky grandparents will look to the future with wonderment. Isn’t life a never-ending cycle? Truly, babies are great and wonderful. They are God’s gifts to us, to the world. They renew our spirit. They renew us.

One day, Benjie got sick and had to be rushed to the hospital. Thank God for kin and close friends and neighbors who came immediately to help! Thank God for doctors and nurses who are friends in the community! Thank God for prayers and expressions of healing prayers!

It was okay at first. They have had a health maintenance card from way back. But then complications came, and the insurance cover was no longer enough. The prospect of a long illness was in the horizon. Who would take care of Mama and Papa, now that they are getting old, and have become sickly?

Yes, infirmities will come upon the elderly sooner or later. And for Benjie and Chit, that time is now. Time to collect on what has been prepared for retirement and long term care, if any. And reality must be faced. Hard decisions, if needed, have to be made. But for sure, life will no longer be the same.

Ben’s story happens to many Filipino families, and could happen to you or me. Often, the love and care that is needed, particularly in the long term, comes from loving family members. Our Filipino culture is well known around the globe for familial love and devotion to our close kin and that closeness is some kind of an insurance for care and attention when the time comes. Filipino tradition call to the extended family as the fallback for elderly care, unlike in the Western countries where care-giving has been institutionalized.

Often, long term care is so demanding upon a family’s resources of time, energy, and financial means, and so, when there are not enough provisions for long term support, the situation becomes a test of the family’s will to make hard decisions.

Perhaps personally helping one another in life-changing situations is not as simple as we like to think. No. Among other things, families have to face a change of lifestyle; decisions are needed about housing and home care. We are met with the thought of whether to move on to another, perhaps, more convenient place, and to decide who will be responsible for a certain time, Decisions upon the future disposition of the family home and properties come into the picture. Is the family prepared for this? Who will be willing to take on the caretaker responsibility? Who will be willing to sacrifice one’s time and opportunities to give loving care for Mama and Papa?

In times of need, we like to turn to the Lord for understanding, for guidance and for help. This is our Faith, molded over the centuries of our Catholic Christian upbringing. The Church and its king, Jesus Christ, is the Filipino’s special sanctuary. By his Faith, he is ready and available to extend his love to a beloved elder who is in need.

Great sacrifices are made possible by strong faith in God who extends His grace and mercy to all who believes in Him. The strong spirituality of the ordinary Filipino is his saving grace. It is the major factor in his decision to do good. In special situations of healing and prayer, the Filipino who believes places all his trust in the unseen hand of God, praying that He reaches out to him, to protect him from harmful anxiety in their lives . A strong faith is the Pinoy’s healing and saving strength. Faith will make him abide by God’s goodness; Faith will make him humble, forgiving and patient. Faith makes one succeed as a person, and as a member of the family and of the nation.

An Interview of Dylan Wilks

by Bo Sanchez

Dylan Wilk was born to a poor family. But at the young age of 20, he started a computer games company that made him a millionaire. Soon, Dylan operated in nine countries and ran his own TV channel. Then at the age of 25, Dylan sold his company for multi-million British pounds. He became the ninth richest person in the Great Britain under the age of 30.

But one night, while lying in bed, he was distressed by a nagging question that wouldn't let him sleep.

"God, why am I rich?"

He asked if there was a reason for his immense wealth. Ironically, he also felt terribly empty inside. This, despite his ability to have any kind of pleasure he wanted. He had just bought himself a brand-new Ferrari and took one holiday after another. But he was discovering that pleasure was like fire... it constantly needed more fuel to keep it going.

And he realized he would never be happy in the path he was taking.

One day, a Filipina friend visited him. She said she felt guilty going there because her plane fare could have built two homes for the poor. That made Dylan pause. How can you build two houses for that measly amount? He decided to investigate.

In January 2003, he visited the Philippines. And for three hours, Gawad Kalinga (GK) Director Tony Meloto brought Dylan to different GK villages for the poor. With his own eyes, he saw something that would change his life forever...

Bo: What did you see on that day?

Dylan: I saw hope. More than newly built houses, I saw transformed lives. We were entering rather dangerous slums, breeding ground for thieves and kidnappers... yet in the middle of that was an oasis...the Gawad Kalinga village. I saw people smiling, men working, children laughing... I've seen many other projects in South East Asia and across the world. And I've never seen anything like GK. This was different. This really worked!

Bo: So what did you do after your trip?

Dylan: I went back to England. I saw my BMW parked in the garage and realized I could build 80 homes with it... and affect the lives of 600 people. I saw the faces of the children I could help. I called up Tony Meloto and told him I was thinking of donating $100,000 to Gawad Kalinga and asked him if that was okay...

Bo: What did Tony say?

Dylan: He said, "No, I don't want your money."

Bo: Only Tony can say something like that. (Laughs.)

Dylan: He said if I was really serious in working for the poor, I should go back to the Philippines. So two months later, I sold my BMW and flew back to Manila. And in June of that year, I made a decision to stay in the Philippines and work for GK for seven more years.

Bo: Wow.

Dylan: I've decided to invest in the poor of the Philippines. Not in stocks or bonds. If I can help in uplifting the poor of this country, I can say that I spent my life well.

Bo: I presume your family wasn't too crazy about that decision.

Dylan: No! They thought I was brainwashed by a religious cult! (Laughs.) So my mother came and spied on me. But she was soon convinced of the beautiful work we were doing and went back home and told my sister about it. And my sister said, "Oh no, they brainwashed you too!" (Laughs.)But today, all of them support what I do.

Bo: You've made a decision to give up your wealth for the Filipino poor.

Dylan: I don't see it as a sacrifice. When you give charity out of pity, you feel pain parting with your money. But when you give charity because you love, you don't feel that pain. You only feel the joy of giving to someone you love. That's what I feel.

Bo: I hear you built an entire village for GK in Bulacan.

Dylan: I don't see it as my village. I just provided the materials. Architects, engineers, volunteers gave their labor. Together, we built 63 houses for the poor.

Bo: Amazing. What else do you do?

Dylan: I go around the world telling everyone that Filipinos are heroic. Because I work with them every day... the volunteers of GK.

Bo: What do you see in the Filipino that we take for granted?

Dylan: You're hardworking. You're always laughing, always eating, always singing. Even in your problems. You're loyal. And honest. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally, that's been my experience. And you have the bayanihan spirit. The pyramids of Egypt are beautiful but they were built by slavery. GK villages are more beautiful because they're made through the bayanihan spirit of the Filipino. It's especially this bayanihan and love of family and
community that makes the Filipino more valuable than gold. If you take a golden nugget and kick it on the floor for 400 years, afterwards you won't be able to see much gold, just mud. This was what happened to the Filipino... for 400 years you were slaves and then you suffered under dictatorship and corruption. This is where the crab mentality came from; I don't think it's a natural Filipino quality because every day I see the gold under the surface of ordinary Filipinos. If we wipe away the mud by bringing hope and being brothers to one another in bayanihan, the gold will shine through and the world will see it.

Bo: Let me get personal here. I hear that you don't only love the Filipinos, but you've fallen for a particular Filipina.

Dylan: (Smiles.) Two months ago, I married Anna Meloto, the eldest daughter of Tony Meloto. She grew up with the GK work, so we're totally one in our mission. And yes, I'll be having Filipino children. The best way I can secure a future for my kids is to continue to help raise this country from poverty. Instead of building high walls in an exclusive subdivision to protect us from thieves and kidnappers, I will go to the breeding ground of thieves and kidnappers and help transform their lives.

Bo: Thank you for this interview. You don't know how much you inspired me.

Dylan: Thank you for being our partner in GK. I read KERYGMA every month and I'm happy to see GK stories in every issue.

Bo: It's our immense privilege to tell the world about it and ask others to join the miracle.

Dylan: To me, GK isn't just Gawad Kalinga. It is a part of "God's Kingdom" in this world. Thank you.