pinoy jokes

Boyfriend to Girlfriend, may LQ: What did you take me for?! Granted?
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Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?... Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.
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Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.
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Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial:
Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo?
Starlet: Successful naman po.
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Army officer to cadet:
Officer: "Do you know why I ask you to stand?"
Cadet: "No, sir."
Officer: "Ok, why?" (anlabo!)
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Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts.
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Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes.
Class: What Teacher!???
Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles! (Bruce
Willis) Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!

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Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?
Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.
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A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy.
Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success.
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Teacher: Sorry, class. I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now
she's dead. (Ano daw?!)
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Heard in a fastfood chain:
Yaya: Ma'm, gosto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!
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Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.
Teacher: What is ur old? (maybe she meant how old are you?)
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In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg?
Customer: Side in, side out.
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Mom interviews her daughter's suitor:
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po (for geology).
Mom:! Ahhh... Geo-rnalism. Ok yan. (ok nga!)
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Guy to Girl: I love you. This is not a ball. ("Hindi ito bola" in English)
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Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!
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Teacher to students: Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.
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Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!
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Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!
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Posted in an establishment: None ID, nothing entry.
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Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy bukas ha.
Student: Miss may "s" yon...
Teacher: Ah, sorry. Chip ahoys!
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Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other:
Friend 1: Am I raining outside?
Frien! d 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only.
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In an awards night, presentor goes: And the winner for Best Comedy Show is
Okay Ka, Pare Ko! of IBS channel 13. (Ever heard of that?)
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Alma Moreno, in her show introduces Nora Aunor who comes in late:
Finally, please welcome, the late Nora Aunor

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JOLOGS ONE-LINERS
"The more the manyer."
"It's a no-win-win situation."
"Burn the bridge when you get there."
"Anulled and void."
"Mute and academic."
"C'mon let's join us!"
"If worse comes to shove."
"Are you joking my leg?"
"It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore."
"What are friends are for?" "You can never can tell."
"Well well well. Look do we have here!"
"Let's give them a big hand of applause."
"Been there, been that."
"Forget it about it."
"Give him the benefit of the daw."
"It's a blessing in the sky."
"Right there and right then."
"Where'd you came from?"
"Take things first at a time."
"You're barking at the wrong dog."
"You want to have your cake and bake it too."
"First and for all."
"Now and there."
"I'm only human nature."
"The sky's the langit."
"That's what I'm talking about it."
"One of these days is not like the other."
"So far, so good, so far."